What will make me happy?

Values clarification can help answer the question

Everybody wants to be happy. The question is, what will bring happiness?

The marketers have all kinds of answers to that question. We chase after more money, better relationships, more status and prestige, a better job, a nicer car, house, furniture, clothes, etc. And yet, happiness eludes us. Even if we initially feel happier with the latest acquisition, hedonic adaptation sets in and like addicts we feel we need more of the thing or something even better.

We finally realize that we don’t know what will make us happy and where to find it. This realization leads us to wonder what it is that we really value? What is really important to us. The activity called for is what is called “values clarification,” and the setting of priorities.

We might ask ourselves, “The three things that matter the most to me is _________,________, and _______.” Answering this question provides us with focus and a sense of priorities in how we spend our time, energy and resources as we go about living our lives. 

The question, “What are the three things that matter the most to me in my life are…” is an ongoing question because the answer may change as situations, relationships, and stages of life change.

Once we have clarified our values and priorities then the use of the PERMA framework can be helpful. PERMA is an acronym from positive psychology which denotes positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.

In spite of what our materialistic culture tells us, acquiring things will not make us happy in the long term. Happiness comes from a state of mind we cultivate and sustain as we engage in the activities of our life. In other words, happiness does not come from things, what we have, but from activities, what we do that is meaningful to us.

Having clarified what matters to us, and pursuing it in ways that are meaningful, we find ourselves feeling peace and gratitude and it is peace and gratitude that makes us happy.