What will I be good for?

Hey Dave,

What is your attitude toward old age? Is it something to avoid thinking about, or a stage of life to be honored? Do you think most people are in denial about their own aging?

Becky

Dear Becky:

I have found that what people want as they age is meaning, purpose, and sense of somehow being useful.

The Surgeon General wrote a report describing the epidemic of "loneliness" in the US. I think that "loneliness" as the label for what ails us is a bit off the mark. What ails us the most is a lack of meaning, purpose, or usefulness to oneself and to others.

The worst feeling in the world is to be "put out to pasture", marginalized, silenced, patronized, condescended to, feeling powerless with little agency.

Gawande writes about this a bit in his book, Being Mortal,  that people want to maintain some sense of autonomy and self determination as long as they can.

The topic might be reframed as "When I get older what will I be good for?"

I can’t do a lot of things in my older age that I could do when I was younger, but I am still good for a whole bunch of things such as kindness, caring, compassion, understanding, generosity, and maybe, sometimes, unconditional love.

The biggest gift we can give to other people and the world is our attention.

Peace be with you,

Dave