Notes for 09/12/25
Interpersonal relationships, Teen depression, Viet Nam war end, Confession confidentiality, Gambling Addiction, Stolen Pride and MAGA, Ending Israeli/Palestinian conflict, Spiritual role models, Etc.
Satisfying interpersonal relationships - The shadow is the greatest teacher for how to come to the light.
— Ram Dass in One Liners: A Mini-Manual for Spiritual Life by Ram Dass
Do you know your shadow? Do you know your partner’s shadow? Can you manage them constructively? These are the primary questions in creating satisfying interpersonal relationships.
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Teen depression is a family affair - Some of us have a family systems orientation to psychotherapy. This study found that when depressed teens get treatment for their depression, even alone, the parents' mental health improves also. What do you make of that? How do you explain it? (Study Finds, 08/16/18)
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Fifty years ago, 04/30/75, the Viet Nam war ended - Red-and-gold banners snapped in the sticky morning breeze above a quarter-mile-long grandstand holding some 5,600 Vietnamese dignitaries and foreign guests. I occupied one of the cushioned seats, invited, along with a handful of other former war correspondents, to witness the 50th anniversary celebration of peace and national reunification. From my perch midway down Lê Duẩn Boulevard, I could see, half a mile away, the old Independence (Presidential) Palace. It was there, at mid-morning on April 30, 1975, that Tank 843 of the North Vietnamese Army crashed through the gates; 45 minutes later, soldiers hoisted the blue-and-red flag of the National Liberation Front, signaling the war's end. Today, that scene felt both distant and unnervingly close.
(National Catholic Reporter, May 23-June 5, 2025)
The Viet Nam war defined my baby boomer generation as we, males, were drafted into America’s first immoral war and 58,000 of my American peers died and millions of Vietnamese. Given the follow up with the Afghanistan and Iraq wars it doesn’t seem like Americans have learned much from our war mongering. What will it take for the US to give up its ethic of militarization which takes over 50% of our Federal budget annually?
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In Washington State the Catholic confessional no longer confidential when it comes to child abuse - The Catholic bishops of Washington state asked a federal court to block a new law requiring clergy to report child abuse or neglect without exceptions for clergy-penitent privilege. The bishops on June 5 asked the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Washington in Tacoma to issue a preliminary injunction to block enforcement of the law, scheduled to take effect on July 27.
Mark Rienzi, president and CEO of Becket, a religious liberty law firm in Washington, D.C., that is representing the bishops, said in a statement, "Washington state has no business intruding into the confessional — particularly when they give a free pass to lawyers who have legally protected confidential relationships with clients." (National Catholic Reporter, 06/07/25)
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Gambling addiction - The legalization of sports betting has made gambling much more accessible contributing to a rise in compulsive, addictive misuse of the activity to alter one’s mood. This activity affects not only the individual but their relationships and wider society. Legalization of gambling can be a toxic activity destroying the quality of life for the society which has done so. In my career as a Psychiatric Social Worker I have observed many individual and families' lives severely harmed. (Welcome To Casino Capitalism 2.0, The Nation, May 19, 2025)
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Stolen pride - Arlie Russell Hochschild in her essay in the New York Times “My Journey Into The Heart Of Trump County” goes to where the rubber hits the road and talks to the people on the ground level to attempt to understand their thoughts, feelings and preferences about the circumstances of their lives. Her idea that "stolen pride" is the key problem for the folks who support autocracy seems accurate to me. If this is so, how do you help people regain a sense of pride and self worth?
There are many possibilities of how to create pride and self worth. The mistake that politicians have made is the idea that the American angst is about prices, the price of eggs. It is not about prices, it is about a loss of a sense of meaning and purpose and belonging. The easiest way for an autocrat to gain power is to divide people and split them once against the other. This is done by blaming one group for the loss of happiness by the other group. We can live without eggs. We can cannot live well without meaning and purpose.
Blaming others for one's unhappiness and playing the victim is giving one's power away. The way to help people regain pride and self worth is by helping them activate their sense of agency. The politician who tells people, this is what I'll do for you is missing the point. People want to be able to do things for themselves. The overall message of empowerment is here are the circumstances through the development of policies and provision of resources that will enable you to make choices about how you meet your, your family's and your neighbors' needs. Trump's policy is retribution and punishment. There is a better way. What might it be? (David G. Markham posted to davidgmarkham.substack.com on 06/09/25
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How to resolve the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict?
A movie that depicts a strategy to transform such a large group conflict is Invictus which depicts what Nelson Mandela did in South Africa at the end of apartheid there. What works for transformation is to have the groups work together toward a common goal which both sides benefit from setting old animosities aside in favor of achieving a common goal.
Another strategy that has worked is Truth and Reconciliation commissions assuming that the governing coalition will sanction such an activity.
In couple counseling I don't find that focusing on the history of past grievances is helpful although they have to be acknowledged. What is helpful is not to focus on past offenses and harm but what is worthwhile for the parties to work toward together in the future.
In order to have this envisionment of a mutual future goal work though, trust has to be created so that people feel free to state their preferences in good faith. There are two parts of this visioning: the what and the how. With a history of trauma and grievance how can such trust be experienced?
Trust is experienced through forgiveness which is defined as no longer being willing to make other people and circumstances responsible for one's unhappiness. This takes a fairly high degree of spiritual intelligence and what Bowenians call "differentiation." How is this level of spiritual intelligence and differentiation to be achieved? Through what you named as "self reflection." In AA it is called fourth step work.
Using Maslow's hierarchy of needs we might conclude that people don't get to self reflection until lower needs of physical sustenance, safety, belonging, and self esteem are met first.
At the end of the day, it might be helpful to consider these kinds of conflicts as generated by low levels of spiritual intelligence and indicate a need for people and groups to nurture their consciousnesses so as to raise them to a higher level. This is what psychotherapy is all about, is it not? How can a society and its groups be psychotherapized? The most effective and efficient ways are probably through the arts and, as Invictus shows, through sports and recreation. Social Workers have engaged in this kind of activity through therapeutic group work for over 100 years starting in the Settlement houses with immigrant communities.
Keep the faith. Stay strong, Be courageous. Tell the truth. Do the right thing. Focus on what matters. (David G. Markham post to Clinicians’ Exchange on 06/11/25)
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Need for spiritual role models - It may be significant to recognize that large social change movements have had spiritual leadership such as Gandhi in the decolonization of India from the British, Martin Luther King Jr. in the eradication of segregation in the Southern United States, and Bishop Demond Tutu in South Africa during the abolishment of apartheid under Mandela. I don't know of any similar spiritual leader in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. In the United States Bishop Mariann Budde briefly stepped up at Trump's inauguration, and Bishop William Barber II has been trying to organize an anti-poverty movement for over a decade now.
We should not forget the "spiritual" in the bio-psycho-social-spiritual model. Mental health professionals have not only not been well trained in the spiritual aspect of human experience, but have been taught to eschew it. The closest we get to it is the "existential" as in "existential psychotherapy" and the stoic virtues as in CBT.
What is needed to resolve conflict is the application of the stoic cardinal virtues of wisdom, temperance, courage, and justice. Who are the leaders you admire who manifest these four virtues which their followers could then emulate? When we vote for our political representatives how often and to what extent does the mastery of these virtues become a criteria for our choices? (David G. Markham post to Clinicians' Exchange on 06/12/25)
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Providing mental health services to people who are starving and injured - In reading your comments about community mental health as it applies to the resolution of internecine warfare I am reminded again of Maslow's hierarchy of needs which we all, as mental health professionals, should be familiar with, especially us Social Workers. It is hard to work on self esteem when people are starving, thirsty, and physically injured.
In the situations where basic physical needs are not being met, mental health services are like the starving homeless having to sit through a bible reading and a sermon on moral rectitude while their stomachs are growling in a shelter operated by "religious" organizations.
As they say in AA, "First things, first." (David G. Markham post to Clinicians’ Exchange on 06/12/25)
Looking for discussion partners on nonfiction books - The Allnonfiction book discussion group is looking for members. We select and read a different book every month. In June 2025 we are discussing Positively 4th Street by David Hadju.For more information click here.
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Onion - ICE vows to restore order with unnecessary force
