Here I am. Where does it hurt? What do you need?
I talked to my daughter, Kelly, who lives in Pasadena and was able to return to her house on Friday, 01/10/25, with her dog, Nick. She told me a few interesting things:
Altadena just two blocks north of her house burned down but her house and the immediate neighborhood was spared because the wind shifted as the fire advanced from Altadena to Pasadena.
She said that people are patrolling the streets asking people if they need any help.
She said the police were out protecting abandoned properties and while there was one case of a person looting houses, the person was quickly chased away.
She said, the support, compassion, assistance and kindness were ubiquitous.
She said she is in the process of cleaning up her yard and house and is very happy to be back home.
She said that people who work for Caltrans like she does who were evacuated are given 5 days of leave with pay for personal business.
I said, "It's interesting that what we see on the news is all tragedy and decimation but there are fewer stories of the strength and resilience of people to pull together and take care of each other in times of great need."
The moral of the story, at least for me, is that when great tragedy strikes, human beings instinctively, reach out to help and be helped.
My favorite story about Mr. Rogers, is the one he told about his mother saying to him, "Freddie, if you're ever in trouble, look for the helpers."
There are many helpers among us but with our amygdales attuned to threat, we, as homo sapiens, have a negativity and threat bias. But when the prefrontal cortex clicks online we find kindness, empathy, compassion, and the intense desire to help and assist our fellow human beings.
As the Beatles sang, "I'll get by with a little help from our friends."
As a Social Work psychotherapist one of the key components of my assessments and service plans is "who can you turn to when you're really down and out?" Of course, I don't want to hear, "There, really, is nobody." And then I realize that is why they have called for an appointment and they are talking to me.
As a Social Work Psychotherapist I am over and over again surprised that as human beings what we want more than anything is to have someone who is there for us and knows our fear, pain, sadness. We want what Alice Miller called "an enlightened witness." With all the deprivation and pain, our biggest fear is abandonment, to be left alone vulnerable.
It doesn't seem like much, but to be a non anxious presence and willing to become part of a person's moral support system is a huge gift, "precious", as Michael White would say.
"Freddie, look for the helpers."
Here I am. Where does it hurt? What do you need?